


real love baby

by cecropia



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Drabble, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, One Shot, Slice of Life, Some Swearing, Treebros, that's pretty much it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-26 07:39:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19001317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecropia/pseuds/cecropia
Summary: He still can’t believe this is real.Evan wishes Connor would just fucking do it before he actually goes insane.





	real love baby

**Author's Note:**

> ONCE AGAIN i needed some WHOLESOME FLUFFY CONTENT bc this fandom has way too much angst ok i'm not sorry  
> I smiled the entire time i wrote this tbh
> 
> songs i listened to while writing this:  
> Real Love Baby by Father John Misty  
> Warm Animal by Sure Sure  
> Wish I Knew You by The Revivalists
> 
> enjoy!!!
> 
> come talk to me! c-e-c-r-o-p-i-a on tumblr :-)  
> 

“Just—“ Connor takes a long breath in through his nose. “Just let me think, okay?”

 

Let him think. Evan’s supposed to let him  _ think _ . Okay.

 

But how the hell does Connor think that’s possible when he’s literally only a couple of inches from Evan’s face? His eyes are closed, hair pulled back and both hands resting lightly on Evan’s jaw, and Evan’s supposed to just sit there silently drowning in his anxiety while Connor  _ thinks _ . Sure. Right. Easy. Simple. He can do that.

 

The only problem is that he just can’t help himself when it comes to nervous babbling. 

 

“Um— Connor, we, uh, we don’t have to do this if you don’t—“

 

“I do, I just—“ Connor snaps, effectively cutting off Evan’s rambling. Connor looks down, shaking his head, eyes still closed, and a strand falls from the very messy bun on the top of his head. He lets out a long sigh. “I don’t want to fuck this up, y’know? So just— fucking give me a second.”

 

Connor’s fingers twitch against his cheeks and Evan observes that Connor is considerably pinker than he was a minute ago. 

 

Half of Evan wants to run. He wants Connor to push him away and tell him he’s useless or something so he can just go back to his comfortable life of isolation and never have to worry about situations like these ever again. He wants to move to a different state or town or country so he doesn’t have to worry about if he’s breathing at the ideal speed or if he’s clenching his jaw too much or if his lips are too chapped or if his breath smells bad or. Worry about this. About being open. Vulnerable.

 

But the other half is screaming at him to just do it, just let the moment happen and stop worrying and just let himself enjoy it, for God’s sake. It won’t kill him. He just needs to relax a bit, that’s all. 

 

“Okay,” Connor breathes out, finally allowing his eyes to slowly open. “Be chill, alright?”

 

Okay, what does that even mean? Evan’s never been chill in his life. Ever. Especially not right now. He’s the opposite of chill. He’s burning up, his face has literally never been this red and he’s pretty sure he’s going to combust because Connor can probably feel how red his face is getting and he’s going to think it’s super weird and then—

 

Evan realizes he’s hesitated and nods without really thinking about it, because at this point he just wants to get this over with so Connor can be disgusted and decide Evan’s not enough and he can go home and start being sad already because that’s what’s going to happen. He’s sure of it. There’s no other way that this could end. “Okay.”

 

“Okay,” Connor says again, voice a little higher than usual, and Evan isn’t sure if he’s saying it to reassure Evan or to reassure himself. 

 

Connor takes another deep breath and Evan’s stomach turns over. This is really happening. He wants to pinch himself but his hands seem to be glued to his thighs at the moment, and no matter how much he tries to stop himself from trembling it just keeps happening and he can’t control that either. This just doesn’t feel real. It can’t be real.

 

Connor’s fingers against Evan’s cheeks feel very real, though, and they press further into his skin as Connor’s eyes flutter shut once again, and he exhales a long breath and Evan feels the warmth against his face. He represses a shiver and curls his hands into fists, shaking where they rest on his thighs. He can’t help but look at Connor’s mouth. 

 

Everywhere they’re touching feels like fire. Connor’s knees are just barely making contact with Evan’s, just a brush of heat every once in a while, and he can feel every little shift of Connor’s body. Then Connor’s leaning forward, his forehead pressing against Evan’s, and Evan tries his best to control his breathing but it’s getting more impossible as time ticks by with no movement from Connor. It probably hasn’t even been that long, but— Evan’s practically vibrating with nervous energy and it takes everything in him to suppress the need to bounce his knee or pick at his jeans or something. 

 

Evan thinks he should lick his lips or something, maybe. Is that something people do before kissing? Is that normal? But of course now that he’s thinking about it he has to do it, so he does, and it’s so fucking quiet in the room that he can  _ hear it _ and he’s sure Connor can hear it too and that’s so weird, it’s gross and mouth sounds are gross and Connor’s probably going to think he’s gross too. 

 

The only thing in his line of vision is Connor’s mouth, and it’s pressed into a straight line and he immediately panics because for a second Evan thinks Connor’s going to back out. Hell,  _ he _ wants to back out. He can feel the warmth of his hands through his jeans and he’s pretty sure there are going to be sweat marks on them when this whole thing is done— this thing. Oh my god, he’s actually going to kiss Connor. He’s going to  _ kiss him _ . Like, actually. That’s what they’re doing. Or preparing to do, at least. 

 

He still can’t believe this is real.

 

Evan wishes Connor would just fucking  _ do it _ before he actually goes insane. 

 

But when Connor starts to tilt his chin forward toward Evan feels his heart leap in his chest, and he makes this soft gasping noise for some fucking reason which is so goddamn embarrassing but thankfully Connor doesn’t seem to notice because he keeps moving closer, and god, time has got to be moving in slow motion because there isn’t even that much distance between their lips but Connor’s  _ still moving _ , and Evan actually feels dizzy. For a second he thinks he might actually pass out.

 

His eyes slip closed and then he feels something feather-light and super soft brush against his lips which seems like it lasts literally forever, and he wants to open his eyes but he’s just so enamored by this weird feeling that it catches him off guard a bit. He hears Connor take in a breath and remembers where he is and his heartbeat decides to double in speed.

 

Then Connor’s tilting his head and softly pressing his lips against Evan’s and their noses brush against each other and it’s. It.

 

His brain kind of stops functioning for a second.

 

He feels Connor’s breath against his upper lip and. Just. Doesn’t know what to do. Because Connor told him to be “chill”, but time is dragging on and every second they spend just sitting here like this is making Evan more and more anxious. Is he doing it wrong? Is there something he’s supposed to be doing when in the act of kissing? Are they even kissing? If so, what’s the big deal? Should he do something with his hands? What the fuck do kissing people do with their hands? 

 

Seemingly out of nowhere, Evan feels himself automatically reaching up to rest his hand on Connor’s arm. Connor sucks in a breath and for a second, it feels like time is literally standing still. Like if Evan were to move even a centimeter, this energy around them right now would be broken and everything would be ruined. It’s the calm before the storm. It feels fragile. 

 

Again, like his body is just acting without consulting his brain, his fingers curl into Connor’s sweatshirt sleeve. 

 

That seems to be the turning point. 

 

The next thing Evan knows Connor’s leaning forward, pulling away for a second but reconnecting their lips moments afterward and oh.  _ Oh _ . This is better. This is much better. This is the big deal. He gets it now. Connor’s hands are cupping his jaw and pulling him forward a bit and Evan feels himself tilt his head, pulling back and sliding his lips against Connor’s again and. Fuck. Okay. Yeah. They’re like, actually kissing now. That’s. Wow.

 

It’s over just as soon as it started, though, because Evan’s a fucking dumbass and accidentally lets out this breathy sound that’s suddenly too loud in his ears and Connor is quick to pull back. He doesn’t even look at Evan, just turns away and brings his hands up to his mouth. 

 

And Evan turns away too, because Connor’s not looking at him  _ why isn’t he looking at him _ , did he do something wrong, was he breathing too heavily, should he have not licked his lips, was it the hand on the arm, was it the stupid fucking noise, what—? 

 

He can still feel the ghost of Connor’s mouth on his, pulling him out of his thoughts, and he brings his fingers up to chase the tingling feeling left on his lips. He feels Connor shift on the bed and he glances at him out of the corner of his eye to discover that Connor’s hands are now in his lap and he’s just. Sitting there. Silently. 

 

Evan has to do  _ something _ .

 

“You, uh—“ Evan stops. He doesn’t even know where he was going with that, because his mind is blank, but then Connor’s looking over at him and his eyes are wide and open and vulnerable and god, he’s cute. It’s not fair. “I don’t— um.” 

 

Evan drops his hands into his lap, looking away again. He can still feel Connor’s gaze on him and he feels so incredibly stupid, because he fucked this up, Connor’s going to ask him to leave, he’s going to—

 

“That was,” Connor says softly, clearing his throat. “That was, um—”

 

“Yeah,” Evan agrees before Connor can even finish his sentence. Luckily, Connor  _ doesn’t _ have crippling anxiety and speaks up again.

 

“I. Um.” Not so thankfully, Connor’s not exactly the best with words. He soldiers on, though, which Evan is eternally grateful for. “Hey, uh, Evan?”

 

So Evan turns his head back and Connor’s giving him this timid smile that has Evan’s breath getting caught in his throat again because Connor always seems to do that to him. Always. Without fail. “What?” Evan asks. It comes out more defensive than he hoped it would. He’s never felt so stupid in his life, because Connor’s face falters a bit and he clears his throat again.

 

“Did you—? Was that, uh… did you…  _ like… _ that, or...?” Connor asks, cringing at himself. 

 

Evan feels a tug at the corner of his mouth because Connor’s so cute and awkward that Evan can’t help himself, really. He huffs out a laugh at Connor’s choice of wording, turning away, and thankfully Connor starts laughing and Evan glances over at him again. 

 

“I, um—“ Evan laughs again and Connor smiles brightly at him. “Yeah. I did.” 

 

Connor visibly deflates, like he’d been tensing every muscle in his body, and his head falls into his hands as he shakes with laughter. “Thank  _ god _ ,” Connor says, the sound muffled by his hands, and pretty soon they’re both collapsing into laughter. Connor falls back on the bed, his hands still hiding his face, and Evan falls back beside him, turning his head to hide how much he’s smiling. It almost hurts. 

 

When Connor finally stops laughing, he lets out a giant sigh and Evan looks over at him. Connor’s making eye contact with him and his eyes are shining. He’s obviously trying to hide a smile, and he runs his hands through his hair to push it off his face and Evan feels warm all over, suddenly.

 

“Hi,” Connor says softly, biting his lip to suppress his smile and Evan’s giggling again.

 

“Hi. You, um… you come here often?” Evan quips, fueled by Connor’s soft laughter.

 

“I do, actually. This is where I sleep.” 

 

Connor lets his arms fall from where they were resting on his stomach, and then Evan’s painfully aware of Connor’s arm pressed against his the entire way down. The air seems to become different around both of them for a moment. He stretches his fingers. 

 

“We’re so stupid,” Evan laughs, breaking the tension. “Like, seriously, we’re  _ so _ dumb, Connor.”

 

“I know,” Connor breathes out, still kind of laughing, linking his pinky with Evan’s. Evan can’t help the giant grin that forms on his face. “I was— God, I was freaking out so much.”

 

“You already know I was freaking out,” Evan says easily, reaching his ring finger over to grasp Connor’s. “I’m, like, always freaking out. I thought you were gonna bail or something.”

 

“I thought  _ you _ were gonna bail,” Connor says incredulously, finally intertwining their fingers and rolling onto his side to face Evan. 

 

Evan does the same, rolling over to face him and Connor strokes Evan’s hand with his thumb. He has butterflies, which he absolutely did not believe were an actual thing until right this second. They lapse into a comfortable silence, the two of them just looking at each other, Connor’s eyes lazily tracing over Evan’s facial features. Surprisingly, it doesn’t make Evan anxious. He just feels warm.

 

“So,” Connor says nonchalantly, glancing to the left. “You wanna do it again?”

 

All the air Evan has in him leaves him at once, and he’s laughing again, hands covering his face. “Connor.”

 

“What?” Connor asks, smiling. “You don’t?”

 

“God, of course I do. Duh.” Evan rolls closer to him and Connor places a gentle hand on the side of Evan’s face.

 

“Good.”

  
  
  
  



End file.
